Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
