I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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