Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
