last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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