I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
