you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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