Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
