They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
