I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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