anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
