my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
