My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
