Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
