The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
