Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
