I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
