is your mom at the bar?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
