I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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