Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
