:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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