Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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