even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
How naked do you want me to be?
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