Got a toothbrush?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
