glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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