my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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