There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
