No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
