you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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