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Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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