I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
They have beer where we have blood.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
