Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
BRING THE BAGELS
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
