Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
