i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
