Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
