Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize