Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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