don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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