Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
