i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
