OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
