this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize