did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
