remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I am one with the molecules
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
