are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
