I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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