"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
