meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
