these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
