Do you still have your period?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
