At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I love you. Go after that dick
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize