Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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