making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
