he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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