I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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