So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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