Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You made out with two different species that night
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
