Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
