Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
