My girlfriend figured out who you are.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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