I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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