So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
