my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
