i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
