Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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