I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
