DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
