I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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