We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
