My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
