Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
