Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize