I want to have your abortion
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Every concussion has its silver lining
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
