Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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