i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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