btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
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