Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
