Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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