i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
PANTIES FOUND
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