I wish I only lived at night.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
