he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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