Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
