don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
