Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just high enough for therapy.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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