My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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