never play flip cup with pint glasses
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
