the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
