He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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