My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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