I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize