Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just googled if crying burns calories
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
