Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
