Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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