I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Found the puke drawer
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
