I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
