he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
