You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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