Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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