His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
