Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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