thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
