how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize