i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
