Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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