did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
as a side note pls kill me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
