Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
