Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
