I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
