brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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