how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
