I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
