I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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