If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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