So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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